All this news surrounding Kevin Federline losing weight. Well yippe for him. I want to address the reason he gained all the weight in the first place (this is only my opinion) but when you stop the coke and other drug usage but still are consuming Cheetos and Fast Food of course you are going to gain weight.

Why is everyone so content on claiming this joker is a great dad, the only thing he ever did was look like a normal parent compared to Britney. Lets be real that is not hard to do at all.

Congrats Federline, you smelly bastard, you have managed to not have your drug usage public and get kudos for losing your after drug weight. You suck.

Ugh. So after a Halloween that ended on an okay note, I met a great friend for breakfast at Pamela’s this morning. It was awesome. On my way home the GOTC asked if I would stop and get her some Micky D’s from Wack Arnolds. Wack Arnolds is famous for being the worlds slowest McD’s. It also notoriously gives you the wrong food or other items. Trust me I have been given those collective glasses that I never ordered in place of my double cheeseburger. And because the Wack Arnolds employs the local gang here people just generally accept whatever they get and no arguments about it. Trust me there is nothing funnier than seeing an out of towner argue with the counter assistant.

So today at 11 when I go to Wack Arnolds there is only one counter open for the after church crowd. So there I am waiting patiently in line and I see this couple come in looking like they are fresh of their most recent stint modeling for LL Bean. Now because there is only one line open the way this is working people order on the right and pick up food on the left. What does the LL Bean couple do, instead of waiting behind the orderers they get behind the pick upers. So I figure they would just wait but no when a second line is finally opened up they jumped in front of everyone. Really. Friends be proud, I didn’t actually say anything to them but man I thought mean things. Like hey LL Beaners its inappropriate for you to wear camping gear in public. It is also a must to shower before gracing everyone with your presence. I mean you are not Lindsey Lohan, so stop acting like it. (Oh yes I said it.)

So when you go to NYC or LA they always have a Chinatown location. Now in those places you can usually get a cool looking knock off Coach or Fendi. Of course it usually involves climbing up a fire escape and trading recipes for won ton soup or something like that. However at the end of the deal you walk away with a purse or nice man bag. Chinatowns are not all about nice bags, there is some great food there. I love chinese food, just ask Hunan Kitchen on S. Braddock. I get enough for three or four couples. I think it is natural to spend $40 on Chinese food. You disagree? Well that is you and I am sorry you don’t understand the desire to have General Tao’s and Lo Mein at the same time.

Just the other day I was complaining that Pittsburgh did not have a Chinatown. That was until tonight when I was at CMU, it is like little China there. The point of my visit was not to search for purses or chinese food recipes but to visit a first class health center to write a report on.Keeping on keeping on as I was leaving I could not help but stop and ask someone if they knew the recipe to a good sweet and sour soup. I am shocked they were offended. Is this one of those times I should have tried to use the native language of the home country?

I took a Spirituality class about two years ago and one of the task we had to do was keep a journal of our thoughts. I found this tedious but I always kept that journal. I was not a student who just made it up the night before, thats not my style. I stopped with that journal as soon as the class ended, maybe I was over it. However, I recently found it. I must say I enjoyed reading it. There is a joke in one of the passages about a weekend social outing at the club were I made the joke that all I needed was a glass of Grey Goose to facilitate my spiritual development. Yeah I still feel that way, lol, most days.

So here is to you Mr. Grey Goose. You will never take the place of Spirituality but you were with me through out my spiritual growth. Well you and Jesus. So thanks. And if anyone sees Grey Goose, GG, tell him I said hi.

No

Okay people I want to declare an end to the whole knitted shoes. Lets be real they are slippers. Slippers are never okay to be worn in public – ever. They are for lazy people and maybe small task of quickly running to the convenience store, not the grocery store. Nor do they complete an outfit. They should only ever be worn to work if you are working in a kitchen and by kitchen I mean a Chinese restaurant.

So I was having dinner tonight with a dear old friend from Undergrad. Thats what happens in college after you go to grad school, you have undergrad friends and grad friends. Of course you only keep a few from each category. So I was the one picking up Telma. Telma is always so funny about being picked up and making sure she has rides. Telma has never taken the liberty of getting her license, although she did finally a year ago get her permit. When I go to pick Telma up she manages to always be late, always. So this very day Telma sends me a text message demanding that I be on time because she does not want to be sitting on the street corner waiting for me. I sent her back a text message that said don’t just wait on me, earn some money while you are waiting. So here is to Telma may she have happy street cornering from now on.

On a side note I must tell you Telma is not a street walker, she swears.

Happy Birthday dear Mr. Harry Potter. You have been my book friend now since mid 2000. You came into my life when I was early in the Army stuck in Korea and had Mono. You are the best. Imagine my joy when I realized that after reading book 1-3 your book 4 was just right around the corner. I have enjoyed reading your story multiple times. Several times in Iraq. Even in graduate school when I was supposed to be studying for a History of Higher Education final, I found your Deathly Hallows journey much more interesting. With all of the excitement over your last movie just out I now pass on your books for my niece to discover in hopes that she too will come to regard you as a “friend” on the page. So thank you, Mr. Harry Potter and happy 29th. 

A big fan of yours, 

Mr. Hudson

Oh dear God forgive for what I am about to write,

the other night there I was trying to take a nice relaxing poop, well what I would think was a nice relaxing poop. All of a sudden I turned red in the face and the pressure felt like I was trying to squeeze out a watermelon. I started sweating and my teeth were clenching. I don’t want to pretend that I think this is what child birth would feel like, but this is what I think child birth would feel like.  Then came the grunts of pain. I thought I was dying. I started praying for forgiveness of my sins and trust me at 28 years the Lord has a lot to forgive me for. There was the time that I broke my moms crystal ducks and orchestrated that a break in had occurred. The police were called and everything. (I am still not sure how that got so out of hand). There was the other time when I told a coworker that she looked like she lost no weight at all, I can defend this one. Of course there is just my general meanness on a daily basis. Finally the peachiness of pain happened and when I thought I could take no more, it was over.  A sigh of relief.

And that is the night I repented on the local toilet in 7110.

I for one am tired this evening. You see I am getting older and while I am not sure much wiser I am sure that I am getting some class. Let me start from the beginning. Eleven years ago I joined the US Army and served my country. Now I am not afraid nor ashamed to say I did it for the college benefits because they were good options for paying and going to school. Now, I also never whined when I was deployed either. I took it as my commitment. While, I will admit there were times that I deployed (3 for people wondering; within a five year time period) where I was angry about it. It came at a bad time in my life, school, family, I missed the burial of a close family member (immediate) while I was in Iraq.

So today I was approached with the aspect of having only 3 months left. Wow, it is almost over I thought. I was asked to re-enlist. I immediately laughed at this notion. You see I have become very bitter about drill and resent going there even one weekend a month. It is time for me to go. So with this post and only 100 days left I bid Adieu. Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed it but I am just over it.

Than you, Uncle Sam but No thanks. P.S. I am not even sure if you are my real uncle.

Last night I won a grammy in my shower for best acoustic album. The following is my acceptance speech, I posted this because my fans the towels and soaps have been clamoring for it.

First and foremost I would like to thank God for my fabulous life. To all the haters, suck it. I won a grammy, in your face shampoo bottle. Seriously winning a grammy has been my dream since I was just a little boy singing Jonah Row Your Boat Ashore in the bathtub with my mom singing back up. People say the younger years don’t count because you’re just a child but I count them because I worked my ass off getting the hang of bathroom acoustics. I would also like to thank my fellow nominated musicians, my neighbors. Thanks for keeping the sing off light and fun. May I recommend tile as it creates better acoustics. Finally, to my friends and family who have always supported my shower singing career, “Spruce up your fur cause we are going to Primanti Bros. tonight”.